Coming to an imaginary theater near you.....

6.18.2014

(Beginning of movie voice over by that guy who does all the "In a world..." movie trailers.)
In 2009 John Rambo was killed by terrorists, but not before the government had taken samples of his DNA. Concerned with homeland security, the government assembled a crack team of scientists and tasked them with top secret project "First Blood." The goal of the project was to clone fully grown super soldiers from Rambo's DNA. *The project was going well until a fluke lab accident damaged the Y chromosome on the source DNA.  Unable to make carbon copy clones of John Rambo, the team came up with a different plan. They would make a female super solider, one that was as good with a gun as she was with a needle.......and so Jessica Rambo was born.

(Cut to first person narrative from our hero Jessica Rambo)
Returning to my quarters from a kali training session, I found a message from central command.  Major Seamstress Erin had sent down orders for my next assignment. I was to join the top secret mission classifed as The Rambo Project.
Command would be sending me a turban from one of my "father's" prior missions in order that I create suitable garments for tracking down my next target. More instructions were coming in the mail so be prepared.  I cleaned my gun and sharpened my Gingers, now I was ready for anything.

The package arrive a few days later containing 3/4 of a turban and a note written in code to inform me to my next target.  As I removed the turban from it's wrappings I was stuck with a sense of deja vu. Hadn't I seen this turban being worn before?  Had I ripped it into pieces with my gunfire?
A hazy image flickered in my mind.....but no, that wasn't me. No matter, I had orders to obey.
My fabric yardage was limited but I'd make it work, just like Sargent Gunn had always told me. My brain rifled through the possibilities and it became clear that there was only one that would serve my needs. I was a warrior queen and would dress like one.  I ordered Private Froggie to get out the pattern from the Craftsy Bombshell dress class.  A little extra explosive power comes in handy in my line of work.
We worked through the night, carefully considering stripe placement and irregularities in the fabric.  Private Froggie threw his paws up in the air in disgust more than once, but I told him not to despair. **Once you've had to make garments out of stockings and clear vinyl, then turban garments are a cake walk.
My original plan was to attach shorts to the bustier, for those times I have to run through the jungle exchanging sniper fire with masked bandits. Sadly, it was discovered that there was not enough yardage to cut shorts that would cover my "muscular" backside.  Private Froggie and I did some quick calculations and drafted up a mini skirt that would make the most of our remaining fabric.
After sewing the skirt to the bustier and putting in a zipper, I sent Private Froggie off to fill up my bandoleers. One with bullets, the other with red lipstick. While he was doing that, I made up a bustier lining and sewed in featherlight boning to help the garment retain it's shape.  My plastic boning stores came up a bit short, so we had to close up the lining and hope for the best.
I put on my poisoned red lipstick and shoes with hidden knives in the soles to go get photographic evidence that the first part of my mission had been completed. Private Froggie stopped me and said that the ensemble was missing one thing. He pulled out a red head band and I knew he was right, a true Rambo always wears red.
As I tied on my head band I told Private Froggie to saddle up, it was time to hit our target.  Look out evil doers, we're coming for you.
Need more Rambo?  Check out the ladies who have already posted their Rambo projects.
Oona of OonaBalloona La Wrambette
Sonja of Ginger Makes - Swingy Summer Top
Shams of Communing with Fabric – Jeans Style Jacket
Tempest of Fanbloomingtastic - John Rambo’s Worst Nightmare
Lauren of Lladybird - Slutty Bralette
Leila of Three Dresses Project- Hummingbird Skirt
Keep checking back on Seamstress Erin's announcement page for new links to go live.

* Blatant rip off of X-23. Sorry fellow Marvel fans.
** True story, I had a college course similar to the Project Runway challenges where they have to make garments out of candy or random things you find at the store. Sadly I have no photographic evidence of these garments.

52 comments:

  1. Hahaha! You're fantastic. I love it!

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  2. you are brilliant! can't believe you managed such a cute dress out of such tiny yardage! love the stripe placement, and your story telling is killer. well done lady!

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  3. You make me laugh so damned hard. And I am beyond impressed that you made a dress soaked in the blood of your enemies. Now THAT is badass.

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  4. Awesome post!

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  5. I'm impressed you could keep a straight face for all of your pictures! That was fabulous! Great dress!

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  6. Thank God I was not holding a cup of hot coffee while reading this post!! You gotta write a book, lady. (In your spare time). Freakin' adorable dress and even-more-HI-sterically-funny-thank-usual post!

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  7. Charity Shop ChicJune 18, 2014 at 11:52 AM

    HAHAHAHA epic!!

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  8. This is amazing! I can't believe you made a mini dress out if a turban! Rambo would be proud!

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  9. This is so fabulous, thanks for the fun.

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  10. YOU ARE AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This post made me cackle out loud. Seriously well done with the dress, the photos, AND the writing!!!!!!

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  11. you look FABULOUS, dahlink! (as we say in Hollywood)
    :-)

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  12. This is so AMAZING! I love yours the mostest!

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  13. Hahahahaha!!! This is the best Rambo remake I've seen yet :D Amazing job! *gives standing ovation**

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  14. WHAT THE ACTUAL F$%^!!!!!!! HOW DID YOU GET A SEXY DRESS OUT OF A SCARF?! I'm seriously made about how awesome this is!

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  15. Now with those red lips you could have said Mother Pucker. Great outfit Heather.

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  16. That was hilarious! And you look fierce in that turban-dress.

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  17. Oh my goodness, there's some sort of witchcraft going on here....how the heck did you make something so awesome AND get optimal line placing out of something so tiny & with all it's flaws. I bow down at your feet, we are not worthy! Brilliant.

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  18. Wow!!!!!!Well done ! Can't believe you were able to make an entire dress out if that small bit of fabric !!! You once again prove how amazing you are!!!

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  19. Thank you. :) Seems all those action flicks I watched with my father finally came in handy.

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  20. It's crazy how little fabric you need for a bustier. For some reason I didn't think about combining the turban with another fabric like so many other people did. Doh!

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  21. Jessica Rambo uses every part of the enemy for full recycling. No reason to trash the earth while kicking ass. LOL

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  22. Thanks Cari, seemed right to go fully goofy for the Rambo. :)

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  23. It helped that the neighbor behind me was getting concrete replaced and there were random guys outside. I was thinking, "Oh god, there's not enough tree cover for the craziness I'm currently wearing. Laa laaa laa pay no mind to the girl with the giant water gun."

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  24. I'm glad your computer did not suffer a coffee "spit take" related death. I'll get my clones working on that book deal. :)

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  25. The world is begging for a fashionable assassin. Or maybe that's just me. :)

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  26. Must confess that there were times when cutting out this garment gave me a headache. But I knew that Rambo deserved it. :)

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  27. Rambo told me to turn the funny up to 11! LOL. Glad you enjoyed it.

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  28. Thanks Lori. It's the water gun that does all the heavy lifting. :)

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  29. Woot! The thumbs up from Gillian makes me feel great. Posting picture of myself in a tiny dress was kind of nerve wracking. At least I got to be goofy at the same time. :)

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  30. Why thank you daaaalink! Shoes with knifes soles are the ultimate accessory. ;)

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  31. Aww thanks Kathy, you're giving me a big smile. It's been really fun seeing how everything interpreted the challenge.

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  32. Thank you Kristin! Once the mini dress idea popped into my head, I couldn't think of anything else. And it gave me an excuse to buy a water pistol. The boy is stoked!

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  33. I used my magic scissors, shhh don't tell. And I had froggie weaving yardage out of sight. LOL.


    PS. I was thinking of you when writing this blog post since you're the only other girl I know who really likes dude movies

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  34. Haa haa! Thanks Sassy T. Jessica Rambo and I share a love of red lipstick.

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  35. Thank you Sabine. You gotta go big or go home when it come to Rambo. Or at least that's what he told me. :)

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  36. Nonsense, I am not worthy to stand in the great Tempest Devynes presence with her razor wit. :) Even if I sold my soul to the devil for perfect print placement. LOL. This particular turban didn't have many flaws, so I lucked out there. Would have like to have both stripy ends instead of just the one. But in the end it all worked out just fine.

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  37. Thank you Margo. I did check all those pieces about a million times before cutting. Talk about having cutting anxiety.

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  38. OH Heather, why have I not met you yet? I think you are my soulmate. LOVE THIS!!

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  39. Haa haa! I'm high 5'ing you soul mate. Too bad I'm not an LA girl. I'd have met you by now.

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  40. This is just too awesome...

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  41. Thanks Laura. Froggie and I made sure to slap on an extra layer of awesome. LOL.

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  42. Oh my goodness! This is fantastic! You did a brilliant job, and Private Froggie rocks! Lynne

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  43. Thank you. :) I couldn't have done it without my right hand man Private Froggie. Haa haa!

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  44. Wow, what an impressive use of your yardage!! And a great story, to boot!

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  45. You are one badass chick... LOVE what you made from a turban... Brilliant!

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  46. Thank you Laurie. Froggie says it was all his idea. :)

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  47. You are awesome. That is all.

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  48. Thanks Laura. :) Everything I learned about being awesome was from Froggie.

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  49. I need a friend like Froggie.

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  50. Next time, I am in NYC, I am gonna have to sneak down. Don't tell my mom tho. She hears I am near Philly, I get kidnapped.

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